29. lemonade

allison and i missed our flight to coron the other day.

we were late, and the airphil express people proved quite unmoved by my pleas. (in retrospect, i should've tried the eyelash batting bit, just so i can say i tried. and i need the practice too.) i'd post the pic we had the presence of mind to take, of the two of us sitting behind the payphone corner of naia 3 (perfectly framed, of course), for all the world looking like abandoned kids, but i don't have my grubby hands yet on allison's files so it'll have to wait. the cloud of despair was lifted when news from our travel agent told us that all was not lost, that our accomodations and tour could still be postponed up til november, and all we had to worry about was getting us new tickets so we could push through with our plans.

that day was unbelievably surreal, and perhaps for the first time i was able to feel so keenly what contestants from the amazing race must feel, when the impartiality of plane schedules was the card that could make or break a winning team. quite unbidden but not really surprising, a quote popped into my head then, saying:

if life gives you lemons, then go forth! make lemonade! 
(chalk punctuation liberties up to artistic license and a flair for melodrama)

i'm not much a lemonade person, but the quote did cheer me up. it reminded me that i could still think in words and have not yet resorted to growls drowned in my raging sea of frustration, and these words sparked in me the humor i cling to in the worst situations. relieved for the moment, we spent a very amusing date at the airport while we waited to be picked up by the lims' driver to take us home, laughing ourselves silly in anticipation/dread of announcing our mishap to the people who only hours or days earlier had customarily asked us for pasalubongs.

i booked us our new tickets yesterday. to my joy, i discovered a discounted cebu pacific one-way rate just when i was about to buy them online. but the cost of P6,000 worth of additional tickets did hit me hard, a tangible, physical weight that lodged in my chest and caused me to be frustrated all over again.

i texted allison before sleeping. i was sharing my helplessness with watching all that cash go down the drain when it suddenly hit me then why it had to happen. in the same way that the Lord often works when He wants my stubborn head to understand, it was a cosmic slingshot then that jolted me with clarity and awareness --
without the pain, i would not learn. without me aching for the loss, i would not regret.

of course it had to happen! i've been in denial since college grad. i wasn't perenially late when i was younger, but after the carefree life of college and being noted for tardiness in all my past jobs, i can no longer doubt the depth of the hole i've been digging up for myself in my representation of filipino time. my creative talent for excuses and finger-pointing has not exactly helped matters, either.

by God's grace, i want to fight this handicap now. i know it's going to be very hard for me, especially if i insist on keeping my late hours, but i want to at least note it here. let me be accountable now.

hi. i'm LA. i'm a latecomer.